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If you’re going out with a much younger guy (or thinking about going out with one) you may be a bit worried about how much younger he is than you. It’s quite common these days to see an older female celebrity on the arm of a young guy, but is it OK for those of us who are not movie stars?

Less Than 10 Years Difference

In general, unless your guy is below the age of consent of course, ten years of an age gap is not worth even thinking about. Everyone is so relaxed about ages these days and women can continue to look the same age as a guy a good ten years younger, so you will look and seem fairly well matched. Also, if you grew up in the same culture, your experience is unlikely to be so much different that you are a world apart when it comes to talking about stuff.

So, less than ten years difference and a woman’s age definitely doesn’t matter. It’s the person who counts not whether she is dating a younger man or someone nearer her own age. I’d like to think that was what counted beyond that too, but it’s not always so.

More Than 10 Years Difference

If there’s an age gap of more than ten years and you are older than your guy, this is when things start to get a little difficult. I would never say that it can’t work, just that you should think through the issues before you lose your heart to a much younger man.

Initially, it’s a huge thrill, especially in bed where he has all the virility and energy of youth. Couple that with your experience and you can create fireworks together. It helps enormously that women reach their sexual peak much later than men. This can make the two of you a great match, at least in one aspect of your relationship.

Also he may really admire the sophistication, confidence and style that often arrives in later years and that can give you an edge over younger, more insecure and immature women. This is very attractive and can give you a sexual magnetism you never knew you had.

So far so good.

So where can things get tricky? There’s actually nothing tricky about it, if you are looking for a short term relationship. You can simply enjoy your younger man while it lasts, but if you are looking for a long term life partner then there are few things you need to think through.

Though most things that actually matter in a relationship have nothing to do with age, (like friendship, shared values and shared interests), there are some thorny issues you may have to contend with (though it has to be said there can be thorny issues in ANY relationship).

You Will Age Quicker Than Him

Unless you are pretty much advanced in years when you meet, chances are you will be showing very few obvious signs of aging. Although you may have noticed a few crow’s feet around your eyes and your body will not be as firm as it was, there’s probably nothing in the early days of your relationship that makes you look like an old woman.

But how will it be when he is still looking in the prime of life and those physical aging signs creep up on you? How will you feel when people mistake you for his mother? Will you care? How will each of you cope with that? Will his eyes start to wander to younger women? (Of course, this can happen with men of your own age, but might it be more likely, if he is twenty years younger than you and your relationship going through a bad patch? If nothing else you will blame it on the age difference and feel suddenly…old.) Will you start feeling more insecure and jealous as you get older? In most cases, in the first flush of love, you won’t be able to tell how things will go in the future. You just have to be aware it might happen in the same way that any relationship can go wrong.

You Will Attract Comments

Although we’re all used to seeing celebrities with much younger guys, you’ll still find that by bucking the cultural norm of older guy and younger woman, you will leave yourself open to comment. Women will be jealous. Guys your own age won’t like it because you will seem to be saying to them that they are somehow over the hill. The moral majority will frown on you and you can expect some hateful, bitchy comments. You need a “who cares” attitude and will have to develop a thicker skin to cope with the remarks, especially when the comments come from those close to you or him. His mother, for example, is unlikely to be a fan of your relationship. Are you ready to deal with her? She may be younger than you!

Your Biological Clock Ticks Faster

Then there’s the whole thorny issue of kids. Are you past child bearing age or feeling like it’s too late to have more kids? Maybe he has no notions of being a Dad just now but will that change is twenty years when you will definitely be past the point of no return? Maybe you feel the need to have kids quickly before it’s too late, while he has no such need to hurry. This is definitely something to think through, if you hook up with a much younger man.

You Will Have A Cultural Gap

If he is a lot younger than you, you will be missing a whole chunk of shared past experience. That doesn’t mean your relationship can’t work, just that you may have to make more effort to get a feeling of closeness. To an extent that is what happens in all relationships as you bring your experience into the relationship and merge it with his. If everything was the same, you would have nothing to talk about, but with a couple similar in age there is often a lot of shared experience on which to build. There will also be a gap when you try to mix with your friends or his. You may find that you are better keeping two separate groups of friends in social situations, but that happens a lot in other relationships where age gap isn’t an issue too.

It Isn’t All Bad

There are a whole heap of advantages to going out with a much younger man so don’t forget those when weighing up whether to get close to the guy you have in mind…

  • The younger he is, the more likely it is that his Mom had a career in her own right and didn’t expect to do everything around the house – so he won’t expect you to do everything either.
  • He will keep you young because you will be immersed in things that appeal to the younger generation and you’re likely to have more fun than just going on endless dinner dates.
  • He’s less likely to have the baggage of older men with an ex-wife and kids and all the views about women that come from having had a bad divorce or breakup with one or more of them.
  • You’ll feel more in charge and powerful in the relationship.
  • Dating a younger man can do wonders for your confidence. You’ll feel sexy and desirable.
  • He’ll stay looking gorgeous and sexy for longer than a man your own age
  • And then there’s that great sex I mentioned….surely one of the best reasons of all…

Have you had a relationship with a man younger than you? Did it work out?

Categories: Dating - Tags: younger guy, younger man